an awesome re-enactment of a phone conversation I heard!

As I sit here in my 4 x 4 zone of happiness; wondering how things can get any better. When I walked in the door this morning the “Air Talker” was singing an unrecognizable song this morning loud enough to hear as soon as I walk in the door. Then as she walks past me I hear some strange noise that I can only describe as whining dog. Then when she sits down she makes a phone call loud enough for me to hear; that was several hours ago now and I have been sitting here debating with myself if I was going to write about this as I only heard one side of the story. Well the evil in me has won once again as I feel like I would be dishonoring the people that read this blog if I did not tell this story.  

Please understand I only heard her side of the conversation so I will be re-enacting the conversation as I can only imagine the person on the other end of the phone was saying to her line of questioning.

KEY…AT = Air Talker( this side of the story is what I know for fact)

            PG = Poor Guy( the poor guy having to talk to her)

AT – HI my name is ……..and I will be staying at your hotel next month and I have a list of questions.

PG-  Hello …….. My name is Poor Guy and I will be happy to help you today and answer whatever questions you may have.

At-   Well how big is the room I will be staying in?

PG-  We have a lovely 16 x 16 room with a view of the Sanfrancisco Bay

AT-  Well how is the bed?

PG –  The bed are all very comfortable and are new within the last couple of years.

AT -  Just a few more questions.

PG -  ok what now?

AT -  Do you have free HBO or Showtime? I do not care which but I would like to have one.

PG -  I am sorry we do not offer those as people with lives do not normally sit in the room while in this great City to watch TV.

At -   Ok well how much are your in room movie rentals

PG -  Well as they are in most hotels there is a pay per view price of $12 per film.

AT -  Well obviously I will not be renting a movie from your hotel! How close is the nearest movie theatre?

PG  - I am not quite sure; just use the internet or your cell phone when you get here to find the closest one. BTW…don’t they have  a movie theatre where you live?? Just stay there!

AT – This is now my fifth call to your hotel since I made my reservations and I do not want to have to call again! Has my reservation been noted that I want a microwave in my room?

PG – I have spoken to you 3 out of those 5 times and I have also noted what a pain the butt you are.

AT – What about a coffee maker?

PG – Yes we have a coffee maker in all the rooms.

AT – I know that but I want a full size coffee pot not one of those small ones!

PG – I am sorry lady that is all we have for the rooms is the smaller size coffee pots.

AT – I understand what is normally in there..but I want you to make sure there is a full size coffee pot.

PG – I wish I could even say I was sorry but no there will not be a full size coffee pot.

AT – I am not going to ask again; please tell your manager what my expectations are and I am not going to be calling again and I do not want to be disappointed when I get there.

PG – You are not going to call again? OMG that would be amazing ; can you please put that in writing? Now please call another hotel as we no longer want your business. Have a Spectacular day ! CLICK…

Ok since I could only hear the AT’s side of the story; I played the roll of what the PG should have said. I am sure he was much more patient then I would have been.

I hope you enjoyed my re-enactment of the joy I deal with on a day to day basis.

Until next time…..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

The story of my penance

I realize have not been real consistent the last few weeks with writing this blog. For a while I was just way to busy and then I just fell out of the rhythm. I also started listening to my sports talk radio every morning which is when I would get most of my motivation from the geniuses that I work with regularly. Well I am back sitting in my 4x4 zone of happiness today after attending a 5 hour training seminar yesterday. These training seminars include a wide variety of companies and people that do the same job as I do as well as attorneys as we all need a certain amount of hours to keep our licenses. So as you can probably imagine there are tons of geniuses at a place like this; the typical talking to themselves and asking questions so the rest of the room realizes how smart they are. I on the other hand never speak up at these meetings as I prefer to sit back and listen and let people inspire me. It is these people give me so much to talk about and I was excited to get some fresh things to write about. After all everybody is likely sick and tired of reading about the “air talker” or the brown noser. So I am sitting at a table surrounded by about 6 women and several of them are my friends as well as a couple of them who I have seen around town but have no good feelings or bad feelings towards them at all.  So here I am with my pen in my hand ready to take notes;  now to clarify I am not ready to take notes from whatever in the heck the speaker is talking about but I am looking for fresh blood. Somebody who is going to say something so intelligent that I am going to fall out of my seat and day dream about being as smart as them one day. Well obviously I do not have the luck of the Irish as all I hear is the “air talker” a few feet behind me talking to herself agreeing with the speaker like she was a lady in church agreeing with the sermon. Well that that is not all I heard actually; in fact I am hearing a lady interrupt the speaker over and over and ask questions mostly very basic. I believe it is probably because she wants people to know how smart she is and well she sure did that. Now we have all been told the lie since we were kids that there is no such thing as a dumb question. I beg to differ; this lady asked dumb question after dumb question till finally the ladies I was sitting at my table says to me and I quote “Who would hire that lady?” Now I kind of wanted to slide under the table or run for the door; assuming my bad knees and big belly would not get in the way.

I however did not do this; I had to step and make a confession after a full day of me rolling my eyes and shaking my head.  Fantasizing in my head about various ways to end my life; as anything was better than sitting there listening to this lady interrupt over and over again and with questions only a genius would know to ask. I looked this stranger directly in the eyes and said “she works with me”. Her response “I am so sorry, I will pray for you”. She however does not know me very well and she did not realize that working with these people is my penance for all the wrong I have done in my life.  All of the people that have read this blog some what regularly will know the person as the “brown noser”. So to clarify I go to a meeting with all kinds of people that could have stepped up and been sucker; but NO the only ones to do this are the ones I work with day in and day out. This is when I knew I had a lot more Hail Mary’s to say before my penance was done.

On another note today is St. Patrick’s Day; the day where amateurs will go and drink watered down green beer. However the people that do not need an excuse to drink on a week night will chase Jack Daniels with a shot of Bushmills. Whatever is your choice to go with tonight just be safe and never stop looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

Until next time……living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

My super exciting adventure at the grocery store!!

So over time since I started writing this stupid little blog; I have told many stories and I would say the person that has been discussed the most is the “air talker”. I was never out and out mean to her but until this past weekend I never felt bad. So let me tell you why…

So Saturday morning I am up shaved and showered by 8am; hoping to look good for some of the ladies at the Weight Watcher meeting. It is true I attempt to attend weekly but most of the time I am just paying them to tell me I am fat! But hey I have to keep up the fight. So after my WW meeting I head straight to the grocery store inspired to buy healthy food. I walk straight past the chips and salsa; the candy aisle does not even get my attention. I pick up some non fat milk and whole wheat pasta and just for the sake of not wanting to be perfect all the time a few light beers. Well in the process I happen to see the “Air Talker” I quickly duck and jive and do a full on military dive to not be seen.

I then pull out a mirror and look around the corner to make sure she has not spotted me. So far so good; I quickly move to another section but at some point I have to go where she is slowly walking oblivious to the world. I think quickly what would Jason Bourne do? Would he sneak up behind her and put in her in a chock hold and gently take her to the ground? Maybe he would use a light weight tranquilizer to knock out his victim. Then back to reality I realize I am slow and over weight and having no fighting skills what so ever. My only hope is to the use the force or my cloak of invisibility to slide by her as I quickly walk to get my pork in the meat aisle. I trembling with fear that I will be noticed; she is only 20 feet from me. I am lucky at this point in time as she is looking down going through some meat now just 15 feet away; this is when I realize it is not funny any more.

It was easy to laugh when she would just be up at the coffee machine talking to herself. However now she is air talking right in the grocery store; was she asking the chicken legs which package wanted to go home with her? I honestly could not say; it was at this moment that I realized how sad and what a jerk I really was. Oh yeah and I better duck and run and get out of the store before I am caught red handed like a kid in a candy store.

Until next time……living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Today I come clean about my addicition...

I have a confession to make; please brace yourselves as this may come as a shock to you.

I have an addiction and it dates back several years now; I am thinking about 20 years give or take. I think it is time for me to come clean; I cannot get enough reality TV there I said it! The monkey has been lifted off my back; I feel a ton lighter as I get this confession out there. It started back when I was watching “The Real World” on a channel that used to show music videos called MTV.  I was fascinated by the bringing together the different races and personalities and to see them make fools of themselves. It was pure entertainment, almost like going to the zoo and seeing these strange animals. I was never really around people so out there growing up; most of my friends were pretty reserved growing up in a church. MTV started showing stupid game shows and dancing shows with women that did not wear a lot of clothes. Again entertainment to the max; they found the recipe before the other channels jumped on.

Then came along Survivor and it had one of its contestants walking around naked the very first year. You could tell the producers were really starting to understand the different dynamics of different people being forced to live in the same area for 60 some odd days. Then off course came along big brother and a slew of many other reality game shows or just reality shows. American Idol of course was the start of the talent shows/ reality TV I was hooked when I started watching the second season and continue to watch today. Then came along the cooking competition shows from Hell’s kitchen on Fox which through together chefs in a house for months all with egos the size of Texas and of course the Gordon Ramsey yelling at them all the time. Brilliant entertainment and as the seasons go on they continue to find dumber and dumber people to put on the show. I can only imagine the reason is that they have realized this makes for amazing TV. All these programs on all the different stations bring more and more competition to all these stations. It also brings better and better entertainment value to the junkies such as me.

However I believe they have finally reached the peak in putting people on a TV and having them be “themselves”. I can only imagine shows like Jersey Shore and my favorite Jerseylicous are coached on things to do, act and say. I however do not care one bit, these shows have inspired a new idea. I believe these people should be put out on live shows and in cages if necessary. I would love to pet the hair on these women and have a conversation with this guys with arms the size of a python and the brains of what appears to be a peanut. How entertaining this culture from New Jersey is amazing to me; I am pretty sure New Jersey remains in the United States however they are like no people I have ever been around. They are my new hero; they are the reason that New Jersey is now my number one vacation destination. I no longer need to see New York or Ireland or Hawaii; just send me to a hair salon in Jersey and let me watch the interaction with these aliens right here from America. They are the reason I am proud to be an addict of reality TV; they are the pinnacle of entertainment. When I announced my addiction it was not the start of a 12 step program to get me on the wagon of the CSI shows. It was a declaration that I have a problem and am proud to announce to the world. I would however recommend to the rest of you out there not to sample the greatness of reality TV unless you are willing to take the chance of being a junky like me. As people; scratch that as ignorant people put on TV. God Bless America and the people in it that are placed here for my entertainment.

Until Next time ….living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

A tribute to man in the tie...

Well it has been a full week since I last wrote; the last couple of weeks were pure misery. I was like a walking zombie here at the office just going through file after file. When you reach that point nothing is funny not even the 4 hour seminar where we were supposed to be inspired to answer our phones and not let them go to voice mail. Seriously a sales coach was teaching us to be positive and to answer our phones and to be the best we can be. The speaker was entertaining and had I not been a zombie he might have been slightly funny. Although I honestly do not see that as any help for our jobs here; he is in sales that is what he does and that is almost polar opposite from what I do here. I however will give my company props for attempting to inspire and motivate I found the idea behind it to be much more inspiring then the actual seminar itself.

Well we have another sad moment here at the office as “the man in the tie” is moving on to work for another company. We will miss his antics around here as he inspired us to….

Well never mind but he did entertain us but I must say I am happy for the man and wish him nothing but the best.

This does leave a hole here in the office and things may get all unbalanced; I am afraid that the annoying people will way outweigh the fun and funny people. The air talking will reach levels never heard by man kind; the sighs will reach the level of the great Charlie Brown and I am afraid the office will look that much uglier with the snazzy ties and cuffed sleeves and the unbuttoned top button on the shirt like he was in a 1980 movie.

We will be outnumbered now as the brown noser will take center stage; as nobody could stop the air talking and the brown nosing better with carefully placed dig. His sarcasm was always perfectly timed and his view points of the office here always had me rolling.

So I guess we will have to see who steps up and takes his place as I prefer to keep in the shadows and out of the spot light. I prefer to keep my jabs silent but if somebody does not rise to the occasion I may have to put on my Clark Kent disguise and take the roll on. We cannot let the evil and the annoying overtake us fun loving and work when we have to types. I for one will stand up for what is right………..will you??

Until next time…….living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Who stole my food and a bit of sap thrown in for my baby!

If you work in an office or a place where you share the refrigerator with co-workers; then undoubtedly at one point someone has ate something of yours. Maybe they took a piece of cheese, or a sandwich or one of those frozen food meals. This is almost worse than the office thief who STOLE my Ray Bans or the $5.00 bill out of a cubicle. I say this at is a bit more personal; heck starting by 10 am you were just hoping the time would fly by so you can eat your left over BBQ chicken or last night’s Chinese take out. Then you walk the long walk long with a smile on your face just thinking about how good that Subway sandwich is going to be. Then BAM like you just got hit in the gut; your food or your diet Pepsi is no longer in the fridge! You dig around thinking maybe it got moved as no one would take something they did not put in the fridge right? There is absolutely no way someone would eat half your cheese stick and stick the other half back in the fridge.

This to me is not rocket science; only eat what you put into the fridge. If you forget what you bring between 8am and noon when eat then you probably just need to retire. However please do not ever tell me “I am sorry there was no name on it” I hate that response more than anything. If you did not put that item in the fridge then do not take it out whether there is a name on it or not. I am sure any Friends fans out there will remember the episode where Ross had the complete melt down because a co worker ate his special Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. They played that perfectly because whether or not you have a complete breakdown or not you are shocked by the fact that somebody would take something of little to no value to them. So please in the future only take what belongs to you; it would seem like that would not be so hard to do. Thank you for your attention to thisJ!

On another note this is Valentine’s Day and I would like to say I hope all of you have a great day! I would wish that you all treat your significant other as well tomorrow as you will today. I would like to take a moment to tell my wife of almost 18 years that I love her and that no I do not love her the same today as I did yesterday or even 18 years ago for that matter. She always finds a way to make me love her more and more as time passes. I know for a fact that I am not worthy of the love she has for me and it makes me appreciate it even more and more. So here is to hoping that between now and the next Valentine’s Day our love grows even more!

Until next time …..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

She just got blogged!

I am sitting here trying to focus on getting this job done; head phones are on and I am listening to the Dan Patrick show. However somehow the outside world here at the office pierces right through the radio show I am listening to and this horrible shrieking with no real purpose just totally ruins my momentum. It was at this point I decided to write this today and this woman has earned the wrath of my blog! As I now call it; she is officially blogged! This lady has always interrupted conversations and she has always butted in where she does not belong; however in what should be the quiet hours here at the office she is not interrupting my thoughts. The quiet hours as I like to call it is between 7am and 9am where my phone is not ringing off the hook, I am not being asked about bills being processed or a person telling me I do not understand how much pain they are in and how I just do not care.  There is no earthly reason for her to talk and I mean ever. In the two years I have known this lady; I have never walked away and learned something new from her. I have never thought to myself; wow now that was an interesting conversation. Not the time she asked me if I was making coffee as I was pouring the water into the coffee pot and not the time she was attempting to explain her “Mexican chili pasta”. Certainly not this morning and of course I am not even having a conversation with her; she is carrying on her own conversation. Now we all talk to ourselves from time to time, usually a slight whisper or just a thought that you let slip out of your mouth. However do you talk, no scratch that; do you shriek so loud to yourself that you want everybody within a 5 mile radius to hear you? I am quite surprised our windows have not broken from the high pitch noise that comes out of her mouth. If she needs to talk to herself; is there a reason she cannot just whisper to herself. I wonder if she thinks somebody is going to jump right into the conversation with her. I do feel sorry for this lady; trust me I have made a fool of myself and regretted things I have said many times in my life. Thank goodness this does not happen ever day. In her case she could talk to her stuffed animal Odie, the office pet and that would be way less annoying.

This morning I was in my supervisor’s office telling her how glad I was that she has been coming in early this week so she could hear what I hear on a regular basis. Right as I am doing this she walks right into the office and sits down and starts talking literally as words are coming out of my mouth. I do not even know how to respond to this; so I just stop in mid sentence and walk out of the office. I hope maybe she will get the hint; however I am pretty sure she is just too oblivious to understand. As I wrote yesterday; I work here and it continues to be my choice to stay here so I will just grin and bare it and turn my head phones up louder. 

Ok, now that I got that off my chest maybe I can get back to work. This is supposed to be my short week however I will be here slaving away on Friday instead taking my day off. That is the kind of guy that I am super dedicated and in love with my 4x4 zone of happiness.

Thanks for checking in and reading as I just had to vent this morning. It helps me keep as sane as I can; well if I have any sanity left!

Until next time……..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.