an awesome re-enactment of a phone conversation I heard!

As I sit here in my 4 x 4 zone of happiness; wondering how things can get any better. When I walked in the door this morning the “Air Talker” was singing an unrecognizable song this morning loud enough to hear as soon as I walk in the door. Then as she walks past me I hear some strange noise that I can only describe as whining dog. Then when she sits down she makes a phone call loud enough for me to hear; that was several hours ago now and I have been sitting here debating with myself if I was going to write about this as I only heard one side of the story. Well the evil in me has won once again as I feel like I would be dishonoring the people that read this blog if I did not tell this story.  

Please understand I only heard her side of the conversation so I will be re-enacting the conversation as I can only imagine the person on the other end of the phone was saying to her line of questioning.

KEY…AT = Air Talker( this side of the story is what I know for fact)

            PG = Poor Guy( the poor guy having to talk to her)

AT – HI my name is ……..and I will be staying at your hotel next month and I have a list of questions.

PG-  Hello …….. My name is Poor Guy and I will be happy to help you today and answer whatever questions you may have.

At-   Well how big is the room I will be staying in?

PG-  We have a lovely 16 x 16 room with a view of the Sanfrancisco Bay

AT-  Well how is the bed?

PG –  The bed are all very comfortable and are new within the last couple of years.

AT -  Just a few more questions.

PG -  ok what now?

AT -  Do you have free HBO or Showtime? I do not care which but I would like to have one.

PG -  I am sorry we do not offer those as people with lives do not normally sit in the room while in this great City to watch TV.

At -   Ok well how much are your in room movie rentals

PG -  Well as they are in most hotels there is a pay per view price of $12 per film.

AT -  Well obviously I will not be renting a movie from your hotel! How close is the nearest movie theatre?

PG  - I am not quite sure; just use the internet or your cell phone when you get here to find the closest one. BTW…don’t they have  a movie theatre where you live?? Just stay there!

AT – This is now my fifth call to your hotel since I made my reservations and I do not want to have to call again! Has my reservation been noted that I want a microwave in my room?

PG – I have spoken to you 3 out of those 5 times and I have also noted what a pain the butt you are.

AT – What about a coffee maker?

PG – Yes we have a coffee maker in all the rooms.

AT – I know that but I want a full size coffee pot not one of those small ones!

PG – I am sorry lady that is all we have for the rooms is the smaller size coffee pots.

AT – I understand what is normally in there..but I want you to make sure there is a full size coffee pot.

PG – I wish I could even say I was sorry but no there will not be a full size coffee pot.

AT – I am not going to ask again; please tell your manager what my expectations are and I am not going to be calling again and I do not want to be disappointed when I get there.

PG – You are not going to call again? OMG that would be amazing ; can you please put that in writing? Now please call another hotel as we no longer want your business. Have a Spectacular day ! CLICK…

Ok since I could only hear the AT’s side of the story; I played the roll of what the PG should have said. I am sure he was much more patient then I would have been.

I hope you enjoyed my re-enactment of the joy I deal with on a day to day basis.

Until next time…..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

The story of my penance

I realize have not been real consistent the last few weeks with writing this blog. For a while I was just way to busy and then I just fell out of the rhythm. I also started listening to my sports talk radio every morning which is when I would get most of my motivation from the geniuses that I work with regularly. Well I am back sitting in my 4x4 zone of happiness today after attending a 5 hour training seminar yesterday. These training seminars include a wide variety of companies and people that do the same job as I do as well as attorneys as we all need a certain amount of hours to keep our licenses. So as you can probably imagine there are tons of geniuses at a place like this; the typical talking to themselves and asking questions so the rest of the room realizes how smart they are. I on the other hand never speak up at these meetings as I prefer to sit back and listen and let people inspire me. It is these people give me so much to talk about and I was excited to get some fresh things to write about. After all everybody is likely sick and tired of reading about the “air talker” or the brown noser. So I am sitting at a table surrounded by about 6 women and several of them are my friends as well as a couple of them who I have seen around town but have no good feelings or bad feelings towards them at all.  So here I am with my pen in my hand ready to take notes;  now to clarify I am not ready to take notes from whatever in the heck the speaker is talking about but I am looking for fresh blood. Somebody who is going to say something so intelligent that I am going to fall out of my seat and day dream about being as smart as them one day. Well obviously I do not have the luck of the Irish as all I hear is the “air talker” a few feet behind me talking to herself agreeing with the speaker like she was a lady in church agreeing with the sermon. Well that that is not all I heard actually; in fact I am hearing a lady interrupt the speaker over and over and ask questions mostly very basic. I believe it is probably because she wants people to know how smart she is and well she sure did that. Now we have all been told the lie since we were kids that there is no such thing as a dumb question. I beg to differ; this lady asked dumb question after dumb question till finally the ladies I was sitting at my table says to me and I quote “Who would hire that lady?” Now I kind of wanted to slide under the table or run for the door; assuming my bad knees and big belly would not get in the way.

I however did not do this; I had to step and make a confession after a full day of me rolling my eyes and shaking my head.  Fantasizing in my head about various ways to end my life; as anything was better than sitting there listening to this lady interrupt over and over again and with questions only a genius would know to ask. I looked this stranger directly in the eyes and said “she works with me”. Her response “I am so sorry, I will pray for you”. She however does not know me very well and she did not realize that working with these people is my penance for all the wrong I have done in my life.  All of the people that have read this blog some what regularly will know the person as the “brown noser”. So to clarify I go to a meeting with all kinds of people that could have stepped up and been sucker; but NO the only ones to do this are the ones I work with day in and day out. This is when I knew I had a lot more Hail Mary’s to say before my penance was done.

On another note today is St. Patrick’s Day; the day where amateurs will go and drink watered down green beer. However the people that do not need an excuse to drink on a week night will chase Jack Daniels with a shot of Bushmills. Whatever is your choice to go with tonight just be safe and never stop looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

Until next time……living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

My super exciting adventure at the grocery store!!

So over time since I started writing this stupid little blog; I have told many stories and I would say the person that has been discussed the most is the “air talker”. I was never out and out mean to her but until this past weekend I never felt bad. So let me tell you why…

So Saturday morning I am up shaved and showered by 8am; hoping to look good for some of the ladies at the Weight Watcher meeting. It is true I attempt to attend weekly but most of the time I am just paying them to tell me I am fat! But hey I have to keep up the fight. So after my WW meeting I head straight to the grocery store inspired to buy healthy food. I walk straight past the chips and salsa; the candy aisle does not even get my attention. I pick up some non fat milk and whole wheat pasta and just for the sake of not wanting to be perfect all the time a few light beers. Well in the process I happen to see the “Air Talker” I quickly duck and jive and do a full on military dive to not be seen.

I then pull out a mirror and look around the corner to make sure she has not spotted me. So far so good; I quickly move to another section but at some point I have to go where she is slowly walking oblivious to the world. I think quickly what would Jason Bourne do? Would he sneak up behind her and put in her in a chock hold and gently take her to the ground? Maybe he would use a light weight tranquilizer to knock out his victim. Then back to reality I realize I am slow and over weight and having no fighting skills what so ever. My only hope is to the use the force or my cloak of invisibility to slide by her as I quickly walk to get my pork in the meat aisle. I trembling with fear that I will be noticed; she is only 20 feet from me. I am lucky at this point in time as she is looking down going through some meat now just 15 feet away; this is when I realize it is not funny any more.

It was easy to laugh when she would just be up at the coffee machine talking to herself. However now she is air talking right in the grocery store; was she asking the chicken legs which package wanted to go home with her? I honestly could not say; it was at this moment that I realized how sad and what a jerk I really was. Oh yeah and I better duck and run and get out of the store before I am caught red handed like a kid in a candy store.

Until next time……living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Today I come clean about my addicition...

I have a confession to make; please brace yourselves as this may come as a shock to you.

I have an addiction and it dates back several years now; I am thinking about 20 years give or take. I think it is time for me to come clean; I cannot get enough reality TV there I said it! The monkey has been lifted off my back; I feel a ton lighter as I get this confession out there. It started back when I was watching “The Real World” on a channel that used to show music videos called MTV.  I was fascinated by the bringing together the different races and personalities and to see them make fools of themselves. It was pure entertainment, almost like going to the zoo and seeing these strange animals. I was never really around people so out there growing up; most of my friends were pretty reserved growing up in a church. MTV started showing stupid game shows and dancing shows with women that did not wear a lot of clothes. Again entertainment to the max; they found the recipe before the other channels jumped on.

Then came along Survivor and it had one of its contestants walking around naked the very first year. You could tell the producers were really starting to understand the different dynamics of different people being forced to live in the same area for 60 some odd days. Then off course came along big brother and a slew of many other reality game shows or just reality shows. American Idol of course was the start of the talent shows/ reality TV I was hooked when I started watching the second season and continue to watch today. Then came along the cooking competition shows from Hell’s kitchen on Fox which through together chefs in a house for months all with egos the size of Texas and of course the Gordon Ramsey yelling at them all the time. Brilliant entertainment and as the seasons go on they continue to find dumber and dumber people to put on the show. I can only imagine the reason is that they have realized this makes for amazing TV. All these programs on all the different stations bring more and more competition to all these stations. It also brings better and better entertainment value to the junkies such as me.

However I believe they have finally reached the peak in putting people on a TV and having them be “themselves”. I can only imagine shows like Jersey Shore and my favorite Jerseylicous are coached on things to do, act and say. I however do not care one bit, these shows have inspired a new idea. I believe these people should be put out on live shows and in cages if necessary. I would love to pet the hair on these women and have a conversation with this guys with arms the size of a python and the brains of what appears to be a peanut. How entertaining this culture from New Jersey is amazing to me; I am pretty sure New Jersey remains in the United States however they are like no people I have ever been around. They are my new hero; they are the reason that New Jersey is now my number one vacation destination. I no longer need to see New York or Ireland or Hawaii; just send me to a hair salon in Jersey and let me watch the interaction with these aliens right here from America. They are the reason I am proud to be an addict of reality TV; they are the pinnacle of entertainment. When I announced my addiction it was not the start of a 12 step program to get me on the wagon of the CSI shows. It was a declaration that I have a problem and am proud to announce to the world. I would however recommend to the rest of you out there not to sample the greatness of reality TV unless you are willing to take the chance of being a junky like me. As people; scratch that as ignorant people put on TV. God Bless America and the people in it that are placed here for my entertainment.

Until Next time ….living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

A tribute to man in the tie...

Well it has been a full week since I last wrote; the last couple of weeks were pure misery. I was like a walking zombie here at the office just going through file after file. When you reach that point nothing is funny not even the 4 hour seminar where we were supposed to be inspired to answer our phones and not let them go to voice mail. Seriously a sales coach was teaching us to be positive and to answer our phones and to be the best we can be. The speaker was entertaining and had I not been a zombie he might have been slightly funny. Although I honestly do not see that as any help for our jobs here; he is in sales that is what he does and that is almost polar opposite from what I do here. I however will give my company props for attempting to inspire and motivate I found the idea behind it to be much more inspiring then the actual seminar itself.

Well we have another sad moment here at the office as “the man in the tie” is moving on to work for another company. We will miss his antics around here as he inspired us to….

Well never mind but he did entertain us but I must say I am happy for the man and wish him nothing but the best.

This does leave a hole here in the office and things may get all unbalanced; I am afraid that the annoying people will way outweigh the fun and funny people. The air talking will reach levels never heard by man kind; the sighs will reach the level of the great Charlie Brown and I am afraid the office will look that much uglier with the snazzy ties and cuffed sleeves and the unbuttoned top button on the shirt like he was in a 1980 movie.

We will be outnumbered now as the brown noser will take center stage; as nobody could stop the air talking and the brown nosing better with carefully placed dig. His sarcasm was always perfectly timed and his view points of the office here always had me rolling.

So I guess we will have to see who steps up and takes his place as I prefer to keep in the shadows and out of the spot light. I prefer to keep my jabs silent but if somebody does not rise to the occasion I may have to put on my Clark Kent disguise and take the roll on. We cannot let the evil and the annoying overtake us fun loving and work when we have to types. I for one will stand up for what is right………..will you??

Until next time…….living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Who stole my food and a bit of sap thrown in for my baby!

If you work in an office or a place where you share the refrigerator with co-workers; then undoubtedly at one point someone has ate something of yours. Maybe they took a piece of cheese, or a sandwich or one of those frozen food meals. This is almost worse than the office thief who STOLE my Ray Bans or the $5.00 bill out of a cubicle. I say this at is a bit more personal; heck starting by 10 am you were just hoping the time would fly by so you can eat your left over BBQ chicken or last night’s Chinese take out. Then you walk the long walk long with a smile on your face just thinking about how good that Subway sandwich is going to be. Then BAM like you just got hit in the gut; your food or your diet Pepsi is no longer in the fridge! You dig around thinking maybe it got moved as no one would take something they did not put in the fridge right? There is absolutely no way someone would eat half your cheese stick and stick the other half back in the fridge.

This to me is not rocket science; only eat what you put into the fridge. If you forget what you bring between 8am and noon when eat then you probably just need to retire. However please do not ever tell me “I am sorry there was no name on it” I hate that response more than anything. If you did not put that item in the fridge then do not take it out whether there is a name on it or not. I am sure any Friends fans out there will remember the episode where Ross had the complete melt down because a co worker ate his special Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. They played that perfectly because whether or not you have a complete breakdown or not you are shocked by the fact that somebody would take something of little to no value to them. So please in the future only take what belongs to you; it would seem like that would not be so hard to do. Thank you for your attention to thisJ!

On another note this is Valentine’s Day and I would like to say I hope all of you have a great day! I would wish that you all treat your significant other as well tomorrow as you will today. I would like to take a moment to tell my wife of almost 18 years that I love her and that no I do not love her the same today as I did yesterday or even 18 years ago for that matter. She always finds a way to make me love her more and more as time passes. I know for a fact that I am not worthy of the love she has for me and it makes me appreciate it even more and more. So here is to hoping that between now and the next Valentine’s Day our love grows even more!

Until next time …..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

She just got blogged!

I am sitting here trying to focus on getting this job done; head phones are on and I am listening to the Dan Patrick show. However somehow the outside world here at the office pierces right through the radio show I am listening to and this horrible shrieking with no real purpose just totally ruins my momentum. It was at this point I decided to write this today and this woman has earned the wrath of my blog! As I now call it; she is officially blogged! This lady has always interrupted conversations and she has always butted in where she does not belong; however in what should be the quiet hours here at the office she is not interrupting my thoughts. The quiet hours as I like to call it is between 7am and 9am where my phone is not ringing off the hook, I am not being asked about bills being processed or a person telling me I do not understand how much pain they are in and how I just do not care.  There is no earthly reason for her to talk and I mean ever. In the two years I have known this lady; I have never walked away and learned something new from her. I have never thought to myself; wow now that was an interesting conversation. Not the time she asked me if I was making coffee as I was pouring the water into the coffee pot and not the time she was attempting to explain her “Mexican chili pasta”. Certainly not this morning and of course I am not even having a conversation with her; she is carrying on her own conversation. Now we all talk to ourselves from time to time, usually a slight whisper or just a thought that you let slip out of your mouth. However do you talk, no scratch that; do you shriek so loud to yourself that you want everybody within a 5 mile radius to hear you? I am quite surprised our windows have not broken from the high pitch noise that comes out of her mouth. If she needs to talk to herself; is there a reason she cannot just whisper to herself. I wonder if she thinks somebody is going to jump right into the conversation with her. I do feel sorry for this lady; trust me I have made a fool of myself and regretted things I have said many times in my life. Thank goodness this does not happen ever day. In her case she could talk to her stuffed animal Odie, the office pet and that would be way less annoying.

This morning I was in my supervisor’s office telling her how glad I was that she has been coming in early this week so she could hear what I hear on a regular basis. Right as I am doing this she walks right into the office and sits down and starts talking literally as words are coming out of my mouth. I do not even know how to respond to this; so I just stop in mid sentence and walk out of the office. I hope maybe she will get the hint; however I am pretty sure she is just too oblivious to understand. As I wrote yesterday; I work here and it continues to be my choice to stay here so I will just grin and bare it and turn my head phones up louder. 

Ok, now that I got that off my chest maybe I can get back to work. This is supposed to be my short week however I will be here slaving away on Friday instead taking my day off. That is the kind of guy that I am super dedicated and in love with my 4x4 zone of happiness.

Thanks for checking in and reading as I just had to vent this morning. It helps me keep as sane as I can; well if I have any sanity left!

Until next time……..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Don't you forget about me....

I guess it has been going on two weeks since I last wrote a blog. I have been super busy and a lack of sleep tends to take out the creative side of me; also nothing seems funny. The voices here in the office start wear on my nerves; I start thinking about career choices. Is it too late for me to start over; does anybody need a lazy employee with no real talents? That was not rhetorical; do you want to hire me? I promise if it is manual labor to work at a snails pace; I can type about 50 or so words a minute. Can I have a cubicle bigger than my 4 x 4 zone of happiness? I don’t know maybe push it to like 6x6; also while I am making employment demands can you please take all the annoying people out of my new office? Not sure I want to hear shrieking voices and I also prefer to not walk past stinky people in the hall ways. Any chance you can make sure there is not someone in the office that leaves piles of chalk every time they leave the restroom? We can discuss my pay rate privately; just know that promise to give at least a 50% effort every day for you!

Ok; never mind while writing this I have decided to stay here.

I will tell you why; the air talker is singing Happy Birthday to somebody through the phone. Some of the ladies; decided to decorate my cubicle for me as they know I would laugh my arse off. See the picture below as I am sure this is a tribute to the office decorator. I actually do a pretty good job here; if I talked about how brilliant I was I am thinking it may sound cocky? LOL Ok so in reality I somewhere in the middle of lazy and brilliant and sometimes even at the same time.

On another topic; I have been working on some other writing. Who knows once it is complete it may be made public? I have not yet decided; I do know it is a long and winding road to get it done.

Also can I talk a minute about weight loss and this ongoing battle? When I was in high school I was a skinny kid played basketball and I never thought I would end up battling weight for the rest of my life. I know this is not funny; but always worrying what I am eating or drinking and how am I going to make up for it later. Do I promise I will go and exercise it off? As I eat the French fry I say ok for dinner I will only eat steamed veggies.

It is a battle now I have dealt with ever since I was about 19; btw 19 seems to get further and further in the rear view mirror.

Well that is about all I have for today; I just wanted to make the time to write something as I did not want you to forget about me.

Until next time......living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

say it aint so:(

I have now officially written and deleted two fully written blogs. I was thinking I would share something I wrote a long time ago; then I read some of my stuff and realized it was not as good as my memory made it out to be. Plus they were either down right depressing or something I wrote so I could read in the youth group at church, ha and nobody cares to read that stuff. Funny thing is that I for some reason thought I was better than that?

So here at the office the mood has been fairly somber over the course of the first few days of this week. There is nobody laughing at the top of their lungs; nobody fighting over the last piece of pie or where the forks went it has the feeling of an actual office. A work place where you go and get your work done and head home to complain about your day; place where the weather is the most exciting topic to discuss. It is losing what made this place a cool place to work; it is losing that “bad news bears” feeling. There is no way this can last…right? There is no way that people can just continue to bury themselves in the zone of happiness!  Are people depressed because their New Years Resolutions are a fading memory like being able to see their toes? Oh yes a fat guy making a fat joke; I think that technically allows me to do so. This place used to a bunch of misfits coming together for a common cause, a place where everybody knows your name? Ok not as fun as the neighbor hood bar but still; with the silence there is nobody for me to complain about. A quick side note; this must be what it is like for people to complain of the heat in the summer and the cold in the winter. It is never just right; have I become one of them? Do I want it loud when I want it loud and quiet when I want it quiet? Well the simple answer is of course; why not want for what makes you happy. If a week of 95 degrees followed by a week 55 degrees is what you want; then I say go get it!

So my point is other than a lady telling the same story 10 times about her grown up baby girl just got accepted to a college; the guy talking about politics like he wrote the constitution or the lady asking to see a pregnant ladies stomach there has not been much in the way of entertainment?

So I guess for now I will roll with changes as there is something I am certain of; some people can attempt to change their ways for short stints of time; however in the long run I will get my entertainment back and then I will complain about that. Call me selfish, call me completely self involved just don’t ever call me boring!

This picture of a sign is what our office is becoming…and I am not happy about it!!

Until next time....living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Just some uninspired writing...my appoligies to those who read

Tuesday afternoon and thank goodness it is a short week for me this week. I will be golfing on Friday instead of sitting here in my zone of happiness. Will I miss it; probably about as much as I miss watching the State of the Union address when I was a kid and there were only 5 channels and the president were on every one.

Kind of crazy; between last week and this week I have worked very hard to make sure I was completely on top of all my work. I feel like I can get away with more when all my work is done. It is kind of a good feeling; kind of like when you were told to clean your room and you actually did it and not just hid stuff in the closet. Speaking of cleaning my desk is about as clean as it will get. I did not feel like taking pictures so you will have to take my word or it.

So I have to say; I am not overly motivated to write this today.  The office has been pretty quiet for the most part; I have heard the typical conversations. However nothing note worthy nothing that can even bring a smile to my face. I am thinking because I have not felt real ornery today. You know sometimes I have to get people going for my entertainment for the day. I did not sleep well last night and in fact have been awake since about 2:30. Somehow the sleep bone is connected to my funny bone! Where did my sarcasm run off to, is my quick wit hiding under the bed? I feel naked without these two weapons of mass destruction; maybe they are hiding with the nuclear bombs in Iraq? Who knows so I am attempting to write this blog without my two main sources of inspiration?  It seems like I am just writing one long run on sentence; I feel like Clark Kent when he gave up his Superman powers (in the original).

With this said I am going to leave on a joke….
How do you get a nun pregnant? …wait I cannot tell that one as it is not real family friendly. So in that case as I do not know any family friendly jokes; I will call it a day. Hopefully tomorrow I will come back with a vengeance; maybe I will have an amazing conversation with somebody and it must be told? Maybe the place will be back to normal tomorrow and it will be loud and chaotic again in this place? Maybe I will sleep like a baby and find my wit and my superpowers!!

Until next time….living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

not related to the office...just a walk down memory lane!

It is Monday morning and I am feeling pretty good; got up and went for a walk this morning and still made it to work a half hour early. That is right I just patted myself on my back unfortunately as I am getting older I think I just threw my shoulder out.

Getting older is kind of a funny thing; now let me say this I know there are people older than me and they will say I am just a baby. However keep in mind it is all relative.

My mind has not seemed to change over the years; heck I could still be 21 if my aching knees, shoulders and back say otherwise. I guess what got me thinking about age and how time flies besides the fact my knees are not happy with me right now. Is I received an email letting me know about a 20 year high school class reunion! I initially thought there is no way this was intended for me as I graduated from high school only a few years ago. Maybe this was meant for my dad or my older brothers as there is no way my 20 year reunion is here already. So I had to start doing some major mathematic calculations to check if I was the right person. Ok lets see if I still remember how to do math without a calculator; 2011-1991= 20 HOLY CRAP it was for me! I can hardly believe it; it is time to put this thing in reverse. The funny thing is the email I received was from Cajon high school in Sanbernardino, CA. I only went to this school as a freshman; however the email did clarify that you did not have to graduate from the school only have gone there from the 87/88 year up to 1991. So for me it is not 20 years since I went to this school it is like 24 years. I cannot imagine I would even remember a person and not honestly sure I would want to. My memories from my freshmen year are getting beat up by a couple of car loads of thugs. Then thinking I was tougher than I actually was and starting a fight with this guy for no apparent reason and him kicking my but so bad that both eyes were swollen shut. Oh yeah and I also remember ditching 5 period everyday and drinking booze and making out with this one girl who gave me a necklace of hickies. Uhm..yeah not proud of that part. The funny thing is I do not think this girl and I ever spoke while we were at school only during lunch and 5^th period. Ha; kind of funny now that I think back. Well I was also in drama as a freshman where I was in Father knows best and A Charlie brown Christmas. Those were some pretty fun times; plus the girls would change outfits right in front of me so I saw bra from time to time. Yeah I just said it; could not help myself as I go down memory lane. Well that was my last year in the public school system as I transferred to a private school where all my life long friends were at. I will save those memories for some other time. Well thanks for letting me take a trip down memory lane where I saw a skinny; pimple faced kid who thought he was way tougher, smarter and good looking than he actually was. Not to far off from how I see myself now days, fatter, dumber and uglier than ever.

Until next time……………living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

A true story and a conversation to boot...

Friday afternoon and a bit later than I usually write these things; however something really strange happened this morning and I figured I would just go with it. I started working when I came into the office. I know this sounds amazing and almost like a big fish story that I might tell. However I swear it is true; if I am not being truthful may I be struck with an eternal hangover. Skip that last part but just take my word for it.  

However there are a few things that should be brought to attention of the masses. There was fog in Fresno today and I knew this before I walked in the door this morning however I over heard some major conversations about the Fog. You would think by the reaction that this never happens; let me assure you Fog and Fresno go together like peanut butter and jelly. Not that odd of an event and small note of it in passing is the proper response. For instance my friend told me she did not want to take the freeway to work as the fog was too thick. She was not overly animated she was not waving her arms around and was comparing it to the rapture. We quickly moved onto the next topic again this is how this should have happened.

This brings to me a conversation that happened yesterday between myself and the Air Talker. Now most of you that have been reading this for the last few months know that I do not normally speak with the air talker I just hear what she has to say by the fact that sound travels. I wrote yesterday about the case of the missing forks..duh duh duh. I also mentioned that the ladies were having a baby shower and decided to go with a Mexican theme food wise. To get to the story about the conversation I quickly will take you back a couple of weeks when I was asked by the Air Talker if I was going to participate in the pot luck baby shower. Now people that know me also know I never participate in pot lucks in the work place. I could go into several reasons why, but mostly I just don’t want to eat a lot of these people’s food cause if their kitchens are as clean as their hands. (well enough said). I told her no I was not participating and she decided to tell me what she was bringing for the pot luck. A Chili and Pasta dish; I told her I have never heard of a pasta and chili dish before and thought maybe she was speaking about spicy peppers like jalapeño’s and the like since it was a Mexican theme. I was wrong! She was mixing chili(like chili beans) and pasta. I quickly said does not sound like Mexican food to me. She informed me it was good and it was Mexican food. I politely said ok and walked away. Now to yesterdays conversation, I must say I started this as I was feeling a bit ornery.(true)

Me…so how did the Chili Pasta turn out?

AT….I did not make it, when I talked to a few people about it I got weird looks so I decided to do brownies.  For some reason my food never gets eaten when I bring it in; and I know I am a good cook.

Me…You are a good cook? I wonder why your food does not get eaten?

AT…Yes I am a good cook, I cook for my family all the time and they tell me I am a good cook!

Me….Have you ever seen American Idol?

AT…(Half smile; odd silence) Yes..

ME…Ok just asking.

Happy Friday everybody have a great weekend!

Until next time…..living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

A thief among us???

There are some things you come to expect working in a semi professional office. You expect people to civil towards each other. You would expect people to clean up after themselves. You would expect people to dress with some sort of pride. You would expect your personal things to be safe sitting in your zone of happiness. Well ha ha whoever “you” are is completely wrong! Don’t get me wrong there are some people who dress to come to work and there are some people that go out of their way to be civil to others and even most of the people(I think) would leave a hundred dollar bill sitting in somebody else’s cubicle if it did not belong to them. However there is somebody lurking in the background who likes to take and steal and probably say mean things about people! Ok I really do not know that for a fact however there are facts that I do know. Stuff is always coming up missing around here. First there was a $5 dollar bill taken right out of somebody’s zone of happiness and later turned to a zone of bitterness. Then my Ray Ban’s were taken right out of my cubicle! Stop the forking presses somebody had the nerve to steal from me don’t they know who I am? Well probably not seeing how I barely know who I am; but seriously we had the $5 and my sunglasses taken right here in the office.

Now I was willing to let these things slide; I mean between the sunglasses and the fiver we are only looking at a couple hundred dollars and that is not going to break to many people. After yesterday I can no longer over look the major issue and not because I am crying over my Ray Ban’s but I was dragged into the biggest mystery of all. No I am not talking about the cookies and pies that come up missing as often as my beer bottles come up empty. I am talking about the “Case of the missing Forks” duh duh duh!

Kind of reminds me of an old Agatha Christy movie or for the younger generation like an episode of Inspector Gadget. However it quickly turns into a comic of “Family Circus” as nobody knows anything and everybody says “not me”. (Does that comic still show up on Sunday morning comics?) All of a sudden a series of email are flying here in the office of how all the plastic and metal forks have gone missing. Seriously I am not kidding not a word was said about my Ray Bans and a hush about the five dollar bill but we called Homeland security over some forking forks! So apparently they have been looking for the 80 missing forks and these are not like fine china or anything and the plastic forks missing? Again I say seriously? Does anybody keep a little white plastic fork after they use it? I thought they were plastic and disposable? I am no genius but I am going to come to the conclusion that somebody around here is a hoarder and likes to take things home.

If I could look them directly in the eye right now I would pull of my best Mel Gibson and say “GIVE ME BACK MY SON..oops I mean FORKS”

Well to save the day I bought a couple of boxes so all the ladies at the baby shower today were not eating there horribly white versions of Mexican food with their fingers.  My evidence is below!!

Until next time…… living the dream one day at a time as the world turns.

Guess whos back ...back again?

Well I am back and in full effect and most of you did not even know I was gone. I had to change where the link for my address as the link had fallen into the wrong hands. It would be like Darth Vader knowing the secret location of the rebellion or better yet like Jaws knowing where to attack her next helpless victim next. Let’s just say that although my blogs are innocent and are meant to be read as a light hearted read and my personal points of view. It does not mean I want the CEO of the company knowing that I am not always working while I sit here in my zone of happiness. So anyways back to business as usual; if you did not get a chance to read my blog from this morning I am sorry and you missed the best writing since “Of Mice and Men” and as funny as the great Steve Martin movie “The Jerk” and for my younger readers maybe as funny as “ The Hangover”. There now I have satisfied all generations and told open face lies while doing it. Let me see you pull that offJ

The only problem is that now I have to start over and I need to build my readers back up. So please if you are no longer registered as a follower please sign up or if you never were take the time. This helps me to know how many readers I have as well as my audience. If you think I am a hack and have no rhyme or reason to be writing please sign up and tell me that at the end of each blog. I can take the feed back; please stop short of telling me I am fat and ugly as I already know this. Anyways I had to start this over again as I have truly enjoyed getting some of my completely lame thoughts out there in public. It lets me day dream of one day fulfilling my dream of writing a book and winning a gold medal at the Olympics oh yeah and managing the LA Dodgers. Ok well the writing a book thing was true and the manager thing; but I was far from an Olympian although if you listen to my old basketball stories I seem to get better and better in high school as I get older and older and no longer even know how to dribble a basketball.  

Well once again I would like to think my regular readers and welcome more with the exception of my CEOJ

Until next time……living the dream one day at a time while the world turns.

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oops...all my posts are gone:( I will re-create in the near future...

Thanks to all my readers!!